‘IS HER, IS HIM’ written by: Lionel Yoong
Modern relationships suffer from the surrealism of existence, everything is dreamy and unclear, include the truth, in fact, there is no truth, just more lies…
[Tagline: raw, brutal, confused]
‘this is the 10th letter i am writing to you, i still feel the same, dying and crying, but i know you are different now, at a different place. I miss you, miss your kisses and your hugs. I miss holding your hands, i miss the time we had together walking under sun set with warm tender shadows along us. I used to fold into your arm and rest my heart on your shoulder. I know you will never replied, i wish she is better, able to take good care of you, i wish she is finally yours’.
‘Jenny, time to go to class, we are very late!’. Mimi, my best friend, she is all i got now. But my mind is suddenly shift to something else that i’ve recalled,
i wrote a text message to Joshua.
‘..we can meet this Sunday’s night for clubbing’.
’superb, i know a place you may like, is called FireBall, it got the music you like…’
I recalled chatting to Joshua over the Internet for a date, a blind date, I’ve never met him before, but nothing worth stopping me from not seeing the light.
‘I am coming Mimi, wait for me….’. I was looking forward for the Sunday…
‘So what do you think Jenny, this place, the music and ambient? Is what you like isn’t it? Hope you enjoy it’. I tried to hold my smile to Joshua, but my heart held me hooked on something, someone, the memory, so quiet and vivid, i can feel the tears buried inside my eyes. I was in a world of my own, the loud music outside, taking a sip of vodka Joshua ordered, i tried to see myself inside, closed my eyes, flying high, falling, lying on the Joshua’s bed, he kissed me, fast and furiously, everywhere, i could feel his skin, his body pressing against me, my breath was heavy and heavier, he moved his head down between my legs, my mind sunk deep floating alight, moaning, i could feel that i was running wet, lost myself in the wild and for a while a crashing sound broke into my dreamy eyes, ‘We will be together, Jenny, you and me, forever’…i suddenly saw a face so familiar to me, ‘Goodbye Jenny…’. i could feel tears was warming up my face, flooding my eyes.
‘What’s wrong Jenny? I didn’t do you right? I was not good enough for you?’
‘No Joshua, is not you, i saw….’
‘You saw…”
“Her”
“Her?”
‘yah…I am sorry…I still love her, deeply’
‘Don’t you love me?’
‘I…can’t…I am sorry…I never loved a guy before…’
‘But you let me, I’ve touched you and you’d liked it…’
‘Yes…I did…no, I mean, with her yes…you were her to me, for a moment…
‘Oh, Jenny…’
‘Joshua, i am sorry…’
‘I still love you…’. Looking at the sunny window, i am writing her my 11th letter….
Dawn drew much later, I was drawn into her, suddenly I heard a message peeped from my mobile phone, ‘How’s your day? I miss you and still love you. Joshua’. I saw Joshua into his eyes before he left in the Morning, I saw my body inside, next to his, outside was nothing to us, dark and cold, but fire of desire was burning deep inside.
’Jenny, how could you!’ The voice, so familiar to me, came haunting me again.
‘Jenny, what’s wrong?’ I saw Mimi was next to me. She gently touched my face, I fell on her shoulder. My heart was free falling, mood sunk deep into darkness, I hit something, suddenly, a wall, so bright, I looked at Mimi, she knew,
‘Tell him, Jenny, he deserves the truth…’
‘What about me? Didn’t I’ve I deserve the whole truth!’, I am too tired to yell, tired of my life, I felt like I was whispering, I could feel my tears, I could feel the wet of Mimi’s shoulder. She held my hand on her lips. I felt the warm and softness. I remembered, I saw him walked away, she was there, my heart felt the pain in split, cut through by a silver knife. Mimi still with me, I could feel her, she belonged to me.
I’ve sent Joshua a text message ‘I am fine, I don’t think we should be seeing each other anymore, I still love her, but I didn’t tell you, I love him too. Good bye’
- End -
